Yes I've been good since Thursday

And yes, I know it's just Friday morning. Anyways. I am totally into making new words or descriptions for things, like a way to put something into perspective or to add a little humor to it. That's why I used to call R'n'B "baby making music" for the longest time. Cause that's what it is. Was. Now I've been listening to The Weeknd for a year, and suddenly realize that this dude owns this genre of music.

I don't know if it's his voice or his lyrics but his songs are dirrrty man. In a fucking sensual way. It's really confusing actually, but a good kind of confusing. At least its good to finally find someone with as many and as serious commitment issues as I have.

Anyways, I made a list of my personal favorites and just to be said, I have a serious issue with committing to the order of this list, so take the numbers with a grain of salt please.

1. Wicked Games - HugLife Remix

Ok, so the original is great, but this remix is fucking ridiculously good.

2. Next

"She pop that pussy on a Monday. She never falls in love. Baby, who you callin' soft? 
Don't make me smoke up all your kush. Don't make me pop your cheap ass pills. 
I used to do this for the thrill" 

3. Beyonce - Drunk in Love - The Weeknd Remix

So I didn't like the beyonce version that much, but the song is great, and this dude kills it.

4. Often - Kygo Remix

"Ask me if I do this every day, I said "Often""

5. High For This

The original is the shit, but I will also advise you to listen to the Elle Golding remix as she does it perfectly.

6. The Fall.

"Mama, I understand why you're mad

And it hurts to accept what I am

And how I live

And what I do

But I've been good since Thursday

Yes I've been good since Thursday"

Free the nipple

I saw this video today, and you need to see it too. It's a whole different alternative to Bitcoins, and its called Titcoins. Seriously, you can pay for things using your tits. Unfortunately for me, I'm living in Malta, where it's illegal to show your tits in public, or even on your balcony, so this could turn out to be a bigger hassle than it's worth. Or?

I for one think this is some genius next level shit, and it's even charitable. I mean come on, it's just Tits. Every female has them, and even some dudes has them too. So your tits aren't that special.. Dudes however can share the love anyways, and it doesn't matter if they have a chest or man boobs, they can basically just flash all of it at any time. So what's the real difference? OK, so female boobs are often thought of as something sex related. But it's not really, and it doesn't have to be all the time. I can not find any bad aspect of boobs, so why should they be illegal?

I was almost arrested back in 2012 for freeing my nipples. Totally a really cool story I'll tell you later.

The Force is strong with this one.

Halloween is right around the corner and the big question is what to be on Halloween. Drunk would be my first choice, but I am working on Halloween and wont be going out. Luckily for me I was celebrating Halloween last week instead, and rocking my best friend's silk bathrobe, running around pretending to be a Jedi master. It was a way impulsive decision as I originally only had the Lightsaber, but I would easily gone naked if that meant I could be a Jedi for Halloween.

But bathrobe works fine too, and people are actually getting what you're dressed as. Which is the most important part of your costume, I guess. I lost my Lightsaber for a few minutes during the night even, and while searching for it I probably looked more like a stripper on lunch break than a knight of the galaxy, so I was lucky to find it again.

Jedi in the streets, Sith in the sheets.

Uh, uh, you can't tell me nothing

The last few days I've been rethinking meat and the whole aspect of vegetarianism. And this will not be a typical post about vegetarianism because I am originally a meat lover. A couple of years ago I could probably only eat meat and nothing else. Like have you had bacon?

But then I started thinking about the fact that we just listen to what society tells us. The Bible says Homosexuality is wrong, but stoning a divorced wife is all in good faith or actually expected punishment for getting divorced. Being born a certain way is wrong but choosing violence is OK. Welcome to religion! The Law tells you that Mariuana is bad for you, but alcohol is great, even tho it's scientifically proven to be the other way around. And most of the people who raised me thought me that it was OK to round up all the animals and kill them so that we can eat their muscles and insides. Fuck that shit man.

I wanna think for myself. I want to make my own decisions and opinions about things and not just let my life be decided by, or be depending on what old people or laws or Religion tells me. I want to do the right thing for me.

So I started thinking about how we eat animals. Why? Because it's proteins in meat and that's good for us and we need that. Now the really confusing thing about this is that the internet tells me that its more proteins in broccoli. So why don't we just eat plants instead, if it's possible to get all the nutrition "we need from meat", in some thing else that didn't use to have eyes, heartbeats and souls?

Also have you seen your teeth? They are not Lion teeth. And your digestive system is also made for plants. Your body isn't made for eating other living things. And if no one ever told you to do anything, how long do you think it would taken you till you killed something living to eat it. Gross.

Vegetarian to the point that I won't give up Mac Donalds, but lets face it, there's not much meat in those burgers anyways. Bonus: Bacon snacks is 100% vegetarian, as it only contains Bacon Flavor. I can totally do this 

Lost and Found

In this moment of darkness, I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there. Or have my phone back. I lost it a week after I bought it, so this is basically why I can't have nice things. I am a destroyer and I don't know what to do with that. What would Jesus do? Flipping tables and chasing people with a whip is actually within the realm of possibilities, but I chose denial instead. I'll pretend everything is OK, till it is, as I always do. In this case I will pretend to have an iphone till I get a new one. Which can take a while. Actually, looking at the previous stats, it will take about 6-7 months.

I did however find my OBEY hoodie, which I thought I'd lost forever. So maybe I'm not just loosing things randomly. Maybe I'm a magician. Maybe the iphone will reappear. Or maybe not.

This is obviously because I'm bad news, I get that. I accept it and I'm moving the fuck on.

If they don't know your dreams, they can't shoot em down

Ever since Wiz Khalifa colored his hair purple, I've started noticing more and more people with purple hair. And I wish I hadn't already bleached the shit out of my hair, so I could color it purple. But my hair has been involuntary ombrè ever since 2013 when I last colored it from black, seeing as no color will stick to half of my hair. So I don't really have a choice.

Purple hair would be my first choice if I had one. 

Tattoo's make my world go around - Part 1

So I've decided that I want to show you all of my tattoo's. It will take some time, so this will come in more pieces. So we'll begin with my first tattoo, and my favorite theme. Anchors and anything sea related. 

My first tattoo's was on my shoulders and they are the main reason why everyone back home knows me as the pirate. Let's just say I went out a lot(more like ran around), and drunk people tend to forget all about your face, but remember tattoo's and the explanation "I'm a Pirate!!".

These are one of the three tattoos I have from Norway(or two out of four, depending on how you count tattoo's), and they are definitely my favorite ones. Not because they are super advanced or cool but just because they were my first, and you kinda don't forget that. I've seen them almost every time I've looked in the mirror the last 3 years, and we are still going strong. 

Then I got the mermaid as number three in Malta, and I also drew the sketch for that one myself. It's on the front side of my upper arm, and I drew the sketch when I first thought of having anchors on my shoulders, and kinda tested it on this mermaid chick. So when I went to get the mermaid tattooed, my tattoo artist insisted that we keep the anchors. So we did. Tattoo inception. Fuck yes.

I got the Pirate ship on my thigh last summer and I actually have a matching one(a dagger and shit) to go on the other thigh, waiting for me at TCB tattoo in Malta. That's where I get tattooed, and you should totally go there as well if you ever have the chance. He who owns the shop drew this tattoo, and he is a God when it comes to old school tattoos.

Also "Those who wander, are not always lost" because I wander a lot. 

Fuck tomorrow we only getting younger

If you're not feeling like making a playlist this weekend, just put this on repeat, like I'm going to.
(or just listen to my playlist that magically just plays after this song)

Time you spend on me, I spend mine on being free

I feel people get used to things too easy. Routines. Traditions. OK, so there's adventurers and dreamers too, but most people. We don't see the opportunities life has to offer and all the great things you can experience in the world, because we don't want to. We don't need to. We get comfortable too easy. I'm saying "we" here because I've done it as well, and will probably do it again.

But I also feel limited, restricted, trapped and forced after a while. That's mostly how I felt living in Norway. Because I knew I was meant for more. Bigger things. And there was no way of getting it back home.

There was too many people who required and expected shit from me. I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't 100% in control of my life. I felt limited to the life that everyone else was living, because everyone was expecting me to live that way too. And I don't really care about people's opinion of me, but there are people who I didn't want to let down or disappoint , who also had the highest expectations.

It came to the point where I did more things people expected me to do, than things I actually wanted to do. I was destructive, and couldn't see further in the future than maybe 5 minutes. I was fucking miserable. And so I pulled a Eric Cartman, said "Screw you guys, I'm going home". And then I went.

And all the expectations, requirements and judgement was only a internet connection away. Let's just say I've been more disconnected than connected the last two years. And to everyone that hates me a little for this, I am really sorry. But I just have to live a little. The way I want to live.

No matter how good she looks, someone is tired of her shit.

I found this hilarious site, which have these Drunk Fashion Meme's. It's pure gold, so I kinda felt obligated to share it with you. 

We can go do what you like, I know you like that.

And we can go ski because I would really like that.

Business as usual

So the last few days I've been on painkillers and have been mentally- not in the right state of mind to write anything decent.

OK, so I'm still on pain killers, but I've gotten more used to it now, and realized that I am never in the right state of mind anyway. Or able to write anything decent for that matter(seriously, if you are in Chrome, try Ctrl+F and search for fuck, and I'll show you exactly how decent I write).

Since last time, I have gotten an iphone, been on adventures, watched OZ, and chilled.

I've also been invited to parties. The Malta kind of parties. Find a reason to celebrate, make a facebook event and invite everyone you know kind of Parties. Right now it was "One week before Thanksgiving-party". And we don't even celebrate thanksgiving in Europe.

Luckily for me, they are also having a Halloween Party now on Friday. A week before Halloween. And that works out perfectly for me, because I won't be able to go out on Halloween this year.

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

I read this headline today, went on the page, read the whole article, cried a little, and thought, maaaaaan. Fuck this shit. Then I googled it, and found a new article with the headline "Hoax 'Banksy Arrested in London' Story Dupes the Internet Again".

And I am getting super pissed because of this. People write untrue things, either to trick people into reading the fake articles, or to get a certain reaction, most likely: "This is not true, it's actually like this...." following with an explination/their side of the story.

Ok, so it's marketing, and you are actually getting views and everything you hoped for. Con-fucking-gratulations. You suck major dick, and not in the good way. And not to talk about how transparent it makes you look. And stupid. 

If you're making money from being fake on purpose, or acting like you don't know the correct story, or if you're just too stupid to find out the correct story before you speak your mind about it, then you suck. Bad karma's in the mail for you.

I feel people believing in this crap with out a google search before is equally as stupid as all 

of the fake stories and articles and blogposts out there.

Guess that's why they broke and you're so paid.

I love money. I love spending money. I love making money my bitch. 

I don't fucking care, money is money. Paper. I need money for rent and some food. All else is extra and something I don't need. Misunderstand me right tho, I don't need a lot, but I want everything.

But I hate feeling dependent on something, and that goes for cash as well. I must be the biggest quitter I know because of this. I am also a self-proclaimed pirate, and I have no problem with cutting ties, and sailing away. I cannot get addicted, because once I am, I feel like I have been mislead and tricked, I almost feel like it's involuntary and eventho that's not the case, I will quit. I am one determined fucker, and I will quit, solely because I felt too dependent.

So you can say I hate feeling like I need money. I hate feeling like I need anything. I don't want to need. Be needy.

My subconscious will always try to prove that I can survive fine with out money. By using all of it. Investing before it's too late. I normally invest all my money in clothes. And shoes.

I feel that need is a poor feeling/emotion, and I'd rather be poor in your eyes than to feel poor.

Painkillers and Wizdom

It's 10 am and I just rolled out of the bed an hour ago. I would say woke up, but truth be told, I have no idea how long I slept yesterday, or if I even slept at all. It feels like I was trying to sleep for hours in pain, and then I just forgot about the pain for a short while, fell asleep and then woke back up again, in pain. I don't know if we are talking seconds or minutes. But one of those.

The painkillers just started to kick in now, and I feel better than I have in hours. To be spesific, since yesterday around when I got off work. I've been up all night. No demons to fight, only a fucking tooth ache, in form of a wisdom tooth trying to literally fuck up my gums. In theory I'm pretty lucky tho, it's room for the tooth and everything so the tooth itself isn't really the problem. My fucking gums are however. Fuck you. I've been zombie crying continuously for hours. It's been ridiculous and it kind of reminds me of the following GIF.

This was me at 4 last night, and I am not kidding even a little bit.

It's a little swollen still, but I am no longer in pain. Thank God. Or that sweet girl over at the Pharmacy who first asked "Have you ever taken these before?", where I explained to her that I have been ingesting all types of painkillers from Norway for years, and that I never had any negative reaction to any medication, even tho I used to always take 5 or more. I said this to her after I had been crying for hours as well, so she just smiled, handed me a new pack and simply said "These will be perfect".

It says "Max Strength" on them, and also that you should never take more than 3 per day. If you have to judge a book by it's cover, then I would think these are amazetits.

You might not be the one, but you're the one that I desire.

I never used to use/buy/look at white clothes. Ever. I have always had a almost-monogamous relationship with black clothes and used to always go for the black version of any clothing item. This also because I always spill on my clothes, or mess it up somehow. I am the worst at keeping white clothes white, but lately I have bought more and more white, and I am so not done with this.

Because white and gold is pretty much my favorite combo lately, and I cannot get enough. Also tanned skin and white is so beautiful together, I might even try to get tan again. I know it's October, but I also live in Malta, so no problem.

Actually, challenge accepted. 

I can't be what you want from me

Adventure Time Marathon Sunday

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.” -Frank Zappa.

So since Saturday started with hungover apocalypse, I figured it had to end that way as well. No, I actually went out because it's Malta, and it's always happening something that you can't say no to. On Saturday it was a cute Swedish one that moved to Oslo a while back who came to visit. At 8 in the evening. At a champaign and cigar bar.

I didn't come home until now, and it's Monday. How did that happen? Safe to say you can blame my best friend, Adventure time and her couch. And probably a little bit the bottle prices in bars in Malta as well.

But I am not complaining, not really. I got to spend all of Sunday with my best friend and a newbie who just moved here. Both are from back home and I love that I can actually talk without thinking first, and in my own language. It makes the conversations a bit more random but still direct and honest in a way as we don't have to think about translations and shit. Two of us has been living in Malta for so long, we kinda started talking less Norwegian, and more Swedish and English. And when we actually did speak Norwegian, it was most likely the more common Norwegian. No accent and no special dialect words, because it's easier that way, and because læven, læmp, læl, laug, sjø. Which will make sense if you're from Trondheim, but most probably not if you're from somewhere else, even if that's another part of Norway.

We did actually spend all day watching Adventure Time tho, which was great even tho I was asleep more than awake. But I love that show, And so it got me thinking how I love living my life like a constant adventure, and how I love that I can do whatever I want to all the time, and still have friends that wants to do the same. Like watching cartoons all day.

And also, yolo, your sincerely, I'm still hung over as fuck.

I'm not in love, I'm just on drugs.

Can someone please make a remix of this?
And make it "I'm not in love, I'm just on drugs, please.

When your memory is shit, you have to live for the moment.

My memory has gotten so bad that I can forget specific things selectively, and it's great. I don't have to remember, or even think about things I don't want to, and it is making my life so much easier.

However, it does not work the other way around. I can't remember something on purpose if I really tried. I will remember things I find interesting, but certainly not everything. Not even half. Just random bits and pieces.

So I live for the moment.

And sometimes, that includes forgetting about the last 6 drinks I downed, and then allowing my self to down 6 more. I also do recall doing shots, so maybe it's only my short term memory that's shit. Who know, who cares. I just know that I have never been so hung over in years. 

I couldn't drink anything today, but that didn't stop me from trying. I drank about 1 litre water in total today, and I don't even like water. Unless it's running down my face. In the shower. On purpose(please do not drown because of me). I finally ended up doing some shower yoga (which cannot be a real thing, right?), type fetal position. No I'm serious. It was probably the best possible thing to do right then and there, so if you're hungover right now, or for the next time you're hungover, go take a shower, lie down for a while, and let some water run down your face. At one point I actually was brushing my teeth, while resting the shower head on my own head, closed eyes, and it made me think of the Seal song Amazing. Because that was exactly what it was. 

You're welcome.

Flame on, motherfuckers

I love these people

Open Letter to Machine Gun Kelly

Dear Future husband of mine,

This is my first open letter, so I'm not really sure how this goes. Actually come to think of it, I can't seem to remember writing anyone a letter ever. But then again, I don't really text either. Anyways, I'll make it short and to the point. I'll easily suck your dragon balls, call you Goku or even let you call me bitch from time to time. Seriously.

You seem genuinely amazed by simple things in life, and I appreciate that quality in other people, because it's rare as fuck, and it means you're probably a pretty simple person, but the good kind of simple. And not to forget that your dance moves are purely genius, and that's basically all I am looking for in a guy. Add me on facebook please? We have a wedding to plan, like 10 years from now.

I just want a guy with tattoos and snapbacks, is that seriously too much to ask for?
Actually, don't answer that, I haven't seen one in months, so don't break my spirit please

I can't keep myself, and still keep you too

I have been quite emotional the last few days, and I feel a strong need to chill the fuck out right now, and find my inner chill-ism again. I need a spirit quest, a shaman or some spiritual awakening to kickstarting this bitch back up again. OR stop watching all the "These 75 Iconic Photos Will Define The 21st Century So Far" posts I keep stumbling over. They make me ugly cry at work and its not worth it at all.

I actually just need some fucking sleep after doing 8 night shifts after each other. This shit is making be act like a total girl, and I don't really appreciate it at all. It doesn't feel like me, and I actually am looking forward to going back to having the emotional span of a 9 year old again.

However, what I do appreciate is the time off that comes after night shifts. I have 5 days off starting now, so I have all the time in the world to reach my Zen mentality again.

I'll just binge watch Star Wars till I'm back to normal. Problem solved

Embrace the Space

So I had a tattoo done last Wednesday, that I still haven't showed to you guys yet. I'm so sorry. My intentions were pure as gold tho, I promise. I actually tried getting home to Norway this week, just so I could get my camera, and take a good picture for you guys.

But time's up. Hello, it's been a week. Apparently I'm not going out of the country anytime soon either, pluss, I'm getting impatient and I really want to show it to you now. So fuck it, web camera for lyfe.

Please don't hate me for this.

It says Embrace the Space, and I have been waiting to do it for a whole year. "What does it all mean?" It means that you should embrace everything that's especially spaced. I'm talking about all the weird shit. All the randomness. Embrace it, seek it, accept it. Love it to bits. I do, and it's making me happy at least.

And it rhymes. And seriously, how many tattoo's do you have that rhymes?

Also, embrace the space on your unfinished sleeve, it only means that it's room for more tattoos, 
and what's not to like about that?

American Horror Story

I have a lot of different series I follow. Then I have some series I can re-watch if I don't have anything new to watch. But then there's the few series I can marathon watch all seasons of within a week, and then re-watch again with my friend later the same evening. I have most likely watched all episodes of Supernatural 15 times, or more, and I can even remember every episode by it's name. What can I say, they are hot as hell and they hunt monsters.

I could even marathon watch this GIF for a few hours straight. 

American Horror Story is also starting it's fourth season tonight, and I am so fucking stoked. They have done one season with a haunted house, one with a mental ward and one with witches. My personal favorite is Coven, the third one, simply because Jessica Lange plays Supreme witch bitch perfectly. She plays all her different roles perfectly as well, but this character was made for her.

She is crazy insane, and fierce as fuck. I wouldn't mess with her, and to be honest, I really think the Winchesters would of had a problem if they ever went to New Orleans and actually found this psycho.

Any ways. I always judge the quality of a TV show on how many characters they kill, and how often, and just how they do it. They torture and cut people up to bits and pieces almost every episode, so naturally I will recommend you watch it. Come to think of it, this TV series is one of my personal top 5, solely because of the bloodshed. I fucking love horror series man- especially when it's the women doing the dirty work aka killing people.

Please, TV-series God, you that lives on the internet(?). Let your streams be fast as fuck today and please let it be killing in AHS season number 4. Amen.

I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist

I never used to picture my future until quite recently. I wasn't interested in the future, and to be honest, I didn't think I would even make it this far. I've lived my life so recklessly because of this. Who would ever think about consequences when you don't plan to live any longer?

Understand me correctly tho, I didn't plan for my life to end, I just didn't plan for it to continue.I stopped expecting shit pretty early too, because I didn't wanna be disappointed when I didn't get it. So I stopped expecting my life to continue. I kinda just let it unfold.

And now I am here. Planning my future.

It's still pretty difficult to plan my future tho. I have enough commitment issues to last us both a life time, and it has gone so far that I have problems committing to my dinner plans, let alone what I'm doing this weekend. But fuck it. When I'm moving from Malta, I'm going to Norway. In Norway I'll save up some cash, spend time with friends and family for a little while Before I;

1. Move to Costa Rica

2. Move some where else, like USA, Gran Canaria, Bali, or somewhere else cool(read: Warm).

3. Go to work on a cruise ship.

4. Start (or while I'm) working as a flight attendance

Truth be told, I just want to be happy, everything else is unrelevant.

I don't want no mediocre.

One of my favorite types of music right now is super chill remixes of known hip hop songs. It's the perfect recipe for success, and I could limit my self to only this kind of music my entire life if I had to, and it would be somewhat worth it.

This one is actually not the only fucking awesome 21 Questions Remix out there either. The Yinyues Remix is insane too. Yinyues also has a sweet-ass remix of Back To Cali which you need to hear now.

And then today I found a remix of Ludacris' Stand up, which is making me soo happy. A little because I actually liked the original, but also because they made the remix sound so fucking majestic.

Time you spend on me, I spend mine on being free

on a flight to NYC, I see you when you see me

I'm going to travel the world some day. I know this because I love to travel, I love the world and I can't sit down for more than 5 minutes at the time. OK, so I'll probably stay in Malta for a while because I still love being here, but I will not go back to Norway to rot, that's for sure. I will definitely go to Costa Rica for a while tho.

I'll go there when I have enough money to just live there, which shouldn't take long if I can find a way to save money for once. Then I'll spend my days drinking Margaritas and chilling by the pool. "Costa Rica" is by the way Spanish for "Rich Coast". And that's exactly why I'm going. To feel rich. Let me compare a item almost everyone can relate to.

A pack of Marlboro Cigarettes would in Malta cost about €4.50 which is OK I guess, but in Costa Rica its only €2.40. In Norway it's €11.60, so you're probably smoking something else if you actually think living in Norway is a smart move. Because it's not.

I sometimes binge watch Leonardo DiCaprio movies, just to clear my mind, and to get the focus back on what's really important in my life (I'ma give you a clue, it's not love, but I still need reminding of that sometimes). And even tho I feel the love in both Romeo&Juliet as well as Titanic, there's no comparison to the love I feel when I watch The beach. Serously, that place looks majestic as fuck, and kinda like the pictures I found on Google, while googling "Costa Rica Nature". I'm sold.

When are we leaving?

Adventure

I've been on an adventure since Wednesday morning when I got off work after my night shift. I first went home to sleep, but realized I were no condition to sleep at all. So I watched some TV, and then went out on a adventure that lasted till Friday night/Saturday morning. Thursday I was working for a bit before we went home to a friend, where we saw the craziest thunder I have seen in my life. It was insane and we had a really good view.

We then fell asleep, and continued the laziness on Friday, as it was spent on the couch, watching cartoons all day. We did Powerpuff Girls, Ed Edd and Eddy and then some South Park if I'm not mistaken. And it got us thinking. It's October now. It's Halloween soon, and I need a costume. Now. Feel free to tell me if you have any great ideas.

Fuck. Yes.

We also ended up going out in the evening, and it was insane. Its been so long since I've met so many randoms out. like what the actual fuck. I only met randoms when I think about it. That's what you get when you go out with a Maltese person I suppose, and I am not complaining. Randoms are awesome.

I need ten more hours of sleep and then I'll only need four more hours of sleep until I'm OK again.

Il n'y a que Kate Moss qui est éternelle

Only Kate Moss is eternal 

Ladies is pimps too, go and brush your shoulders off

"Oh boy, what do you got under that shirt sweetie? I bet it's a good heart." I watched this and laughed my ass off so many times, I don't remember my name anymore. I've heard so many versions of these, but I never funny ones like these.

I however feel the need to clarify that I would not want a guy that is especially good at holding babies or love commitment, but still. I will even test out the "Hey nice shoes, wanna spoon?" one, just to see if it works.

"You hear me, you hear me? Yeah, cause you're a good listener".

So tell 'em shut the fuck up.

People have been talking shit about me for years now. At first it was kinda hard, I'm going to be honest with you on that. It wasn't great being the weird kid no one wanted in their Birthday party. I even tried my best to get people to like me for a while. Of course it didn't work, because lets face it, not everyone is going to like you. Especially when you're a weird and quite awkward kid who doesn't understand how things works. But it kinda made me really unapologetic about my personality. I do what I can to be the best possible version of me, because I want to be, and that includes not wasting my time worrying about others opinion of me.

And now people are talking more shit than ever. The difference is, I don't really care any more. I don't care about what you think of me. It doesn't matter at all. I am the best person I can be, and that's the important part. But my lack of fucks given is actually making things worse now. I can see that. Some people think I am a bitch, and I do nothing to change that persons view, other than to smile at them and pray that karma is for real. Of course that person doesn't know me, and if that person thinks I'm a bitch, then fine. I don't want to know you either if your judging and labeling people before you know them. I don't need everyone's approval. I don't need you to like me if you aren't a nice person. I want to be surrounded with nice people, and if you judge, then I don't really think you're that nice, and so I won't try to be your friend. I won't even try to explain to you that I am a nice person. I don't care. Go be a hater somewhere else please.

I don't really feel the need to comment any further, other than this

Before your negative energy curve, bitch, I'ma cut you off
Cause every time you come around you be hollering that

whoop-de-whoop, blase-blah

He say, she say, oh my God

Shut the fuck up... hoe

I used to do this for the thrill

I have no idea which day it is, I have no concept of time in relations to what I'm doing at the moment and I don't even know what I am tattooing on my arm in 16(?) hours. But it doesn't matter at all. And knowing that makes me so happy. Life is pretty much getting back to my kind of normal, and I am finally happy again. Actually I'm feeling great. Things are just magically happening again, and just saying "yes" to most questions are actually getting me fun places. I've missed this so bad and I wish it would never end.

Contained or even controlled chaos is one of my favorite concepts, and I love to be along for the ride. I like to live my life a little messy, as long as it's done in a clean way. Going with the flow. Being impulsive. Going on an everlasting adventure every time you walk out the door.

Lana Del Rey described this feeling I'm having perfectly in the intro of her song Ride:

"I was always an unusual girl. 

My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; 
just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...

And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...

Because I was born to be the other woman.

Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.

Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me."

Music is what feelings sound like

Let me start of with explaining one thing. I love most feelings that aren't that personal. Like exited, adventurous or curious. I find personal feelings a bit boring and a bit too serious, and I honestly don't have time for it at all.

And that's one of the reasons why I love music so much. Music gives me those feelings, and some songs even has this overwhelming and totally undescriptive feeling, like the song just went and made it's own feeling, just for you. It's hard to explain, so let me show you instead.

Some random artist named JJ made a remake of Dr.Dre's Still and it is insane (all links will open in a new tab so you can youtube-surf, your welcome). Easily one of the chillest songs I know, and probably my favourite summer song. This song especially has a kind of feeling to it. You know that very specific, but non descriptive one. Then we have Tinashe with Boss, the Ryan Hemsworth Remix, which also is one of my favorites because it comes with this great feeling. It feels like floating in a pool in the middle of summer while you're really wasted, but a great kind of wasted. And it feels like fucking happiness.

Vacation, Get a Tan, Swim forever, Margarita. 

Then you have ZHU with Faded, and if you haven't heard it yet, then I genuinely feel sorry for you, if only just a little. Aaron Smith's Dancin(KRONO Remix) is also the bomb, and is totally making me wanna dance. And then dance some more. And then replay the song.

I first heard the HugLife remix of The Weekend's Wicked Games a year ago, and you need to hear it asap. It feels just like really good drugs should feel like. I suppose.. And the drop(?) at 1:20-something is insane. Then I heard Next, and totally fell for that one as well. Then Kygo remixed his song Often, and anything Kygo works for me.

And then there's Eminem. Even tho he raps about killing people and choking bitches and generally really negative lyrics, I totally get in a good mood when I hear his songs. It's done so hard, and so fucking majestic that it doesn't matter.

But nothing cheers me up as much as Biggie's Juicy. Or anything Biggie for that matter. Back To Cali is also one of my favorites, both the original and the Yinyues Remix.


I kinda like music better than people, but I think you figured that out already.